That's it: I'm illegally downloading all my movies from now on. (Well, maybe not The Hobbit.) The last two movies we saw in the cinema were so bad, we wanted to throw ourselves off the Ayala fourth floor balcony for having paid P160 each to see them.
Second to the last was The Immortals, a film so concerned with its color palette that it forgot it was supposed to have a STORY -- you know, one that actually makes sense? Even Aivan, who can forgive a two-star plot if it is told in four-star battle scenes, left the movie theater shaking his head. Somebody stop the pseudo-Greek myths, please.
We actually had high hopes for the movie we watched yesterday afternoon. Haywire had a respectable supporting cast -- Michael Fassbender, Channing Tatum, Ewan McGregor, Michael Douglas, Antonio Banderas -- and it was an action movie. How bad can it get, right?
(Romantic comedy-slash-action movies are another thing altogether. I still can't get over how bad Killers was.)
Turns out it can get really bad. You need to get through a third of the movie before you figure out what's going on, and then it never really achieves believability. If I were truly a heartless criminal, why wouldn't I just bomb the journalist's safehouse and shoot the girl? Stuff like that happens all the time, and no one need be wiser. The limp plot and the minimalist score -- in the one action movie that truly needed the prop of loud sound effects and pulse-racing music -- had us all in a stupor at the end.
"Taasa pa sa adlaw uy," the ticket attendant sighed as we passed him on the way out.
"I'm just gonna go to the bathroom and bang my head on the wall," Aivan said.