Wednesday, March 30, 2011

finding someone

An essay entitled Date A Girl Who Reads became very popular around Valentines Day this year. It was written by Rosemarie Urquico (but I found it here), supposedly in response to another popular essay, this one by Charles Warnke, entitled You Should Date An Illiterate Girl. (In case you feel tempted to jump to conclusions, You Should Date An Illiterate Girl does not encourage dating an illiterate girl at all. It's a beautiful piece that girls who read should read before feeling slighted.) As a girl who reads I feel flattered, but in all honesty I don't think there is one type of girl or guy that would fit all. As cliched as it may sound, I think what matters is really just how much you love each other. Still, you don't get to the point of unconditional love in an instant. A few rules of thumb can't hurt, so, for this year's 31st of March, I'd like to list down some of the things I've learned about finding the right person.


Find someone who is willing to love another person more than he loves himself. Love very often means doing and wanting what is best for the other, even at a detriment to oneself. Avoid someone who does not have the capacity to do that.

Find someone you respect. In a relationship, you won't always have it your way. When you do have to concede, it will be easier if you know that you are giving in to someone who is worthy, whose heart is in the right place.

Find an equal. You don't have to have the same talents, the same amount of cash in your pockets, the same force of personality, but the sum of everything should somehow be equal. A relationship dominated by just one partner is one of the most painful things to watch.

Find someone you can trust. Nothing erodes love more insidiously yet completely than doubt, especially if it is well-founded. If you can't trust someone, walk away. If you can trust him, do, and stop second-guessing.

Find someone who does not have a history of treating his previous girlfriends badly. Whether it's beating them, cheating on them, or just not treating them as well as he should have, there are no excuses. Change is possible, but don't count on it. You deserve so much better. Every girl, every person, deserves to be treated right, especially by the one to whom she gave her heart.

Find someone who can make you laugh, or at least make you smile. Life won't be a walk in the park, but it will help if you have someone walking beside you who can lighten your heart. Avoid whiners. Avoid people who think the world owes them something. Avoid people who feel they are always misunderstood, as there is probably a very good reason why others think that way about them.

If you can, find someone who can grill fish at the beach. Find someone who can replace light bulbs and fix faucets. Find someone who will wash the dishes for you because he sees you're feeling sad. If this is not possible, at least find someone who tries.

Finally, find a good person. Find someone who inspires you to be a better person yourself. Find someone who can be entrusted with your heart, and your life, because that is what love entails. Find someone who will love you the way you deserve to be loved, and when you do, love him back with every last ounce of strength you have.

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